Back in those heady days before I had a phone line, I put in a request to my ISP to move my ADSL to my new address. I explained to them how I didn’t have a phone line at that time, but would have one about two days afterwards. “No problem” I was told, “We’ll put it through when you become registered as the person paying that bill”.

All was good for a week. I had my activation date (today) sent to me. I phone up the ISP this morning to find out that BT have cancelled my ADSL move request because “there is no phone line at that address”. Cue this conversation:

• ISP: You need to call BT to find out why they havn’t put a line in at that address.

• Me: There is a line at that address. I’m talking to you on it.

• ISP: Oh. That’s a bit weird.

• Me: It appears BT havn’t actually got a clue what’s going on.

• ISP: Yes, it seems that way doesn’t it.

• Me: You’ve also sent me a bill for November for my old address. I don’t have internet access, I’m not paying it.

• ISP: But your internet hasn’t moved, it’s still being provided to the old address

• Me: But I don’t live there any more or pay the phone bill.

• ISP: You’ve moved house?

• Me: cries

A thoroughly entertaining morning, I’m sure you’ll agree. They’ve re-requested the order and they’ll claim to “keep an eye on it”, whatever that means. Maybe it’ll invade Poland if they’re not careful.